Am I showing my age by quoting a 1980s song which was banned for its obscene content?

It  was thought to be about a hedonistic lifestyle. It was quite a toxic combination of 5 male energies blasting out something new to our young eager ears. 


Gosh booging the night away was invigorationg and of course release the happy hormones. (Happy hormones refer to endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. Technically, some of these are neurotransmitters and not hormones, but im not about to split hairs at this point regarding scientific details here.)

Did you know that when we exercise that includes, walking, dancing or running or weight lifting, your muscles contract, secreting chemicals into the bloodstream. One of these chemicals is myokines, which are small proteins that travel to the brain and act as antidepressants. Myokines, also referred to as hope molecules, can enhance your overall health by improving your mood or ability to learn and protecting the brain from the effects of aging. Because hope molecules cross the blood-brain barrier, they can also positively impact your mental health by reducing symptoms of depression or trauma and increasing resilience to stress.

And yet 41 years later, the words Relax can perhaps conjure a different type of toxicity. A nervous system freeze or flop response, is it time we reviewed this.Take a moment and think when people advise you to “relax” Where did you feel that in the body, what were your thoughts?

Who are these people?

Majority of people are in authority or a place of power, and not always perpetrators A few examples

Medical professionals: Gynaecologists….. (or urologists examining for lumps and bumps for both genders) in intimate and private places that the sun doesn’t normally shine shall we say. Gosh the amount of times my little feet are clinging on to the edge of the bench or hooked like a torture chamber in these stirrups …. And those words…. Drop your knees….Relax….. ok RELAX…. … made me tense so much, then the what seemed to me hearing the obligatory sigh. Of oh no we have another difficult one here. I get it…. It makes their job more difficult to shove a cold plastic/metal/ finger or hand in those dark secret places.

Dentists …. With your mouth open, needle looming towards you, that seems longer than your whole arm, several pieces of tampon in your mouth (mmh I wonder if they are the same manufacturers?) and water spraying and a scution tube, memories of washboarding from all the terrorist movies you have ever watched, flitting through your mind. Then a RELAX …HOW CAN I … you want to scream, but now your tongue is completely numb andyou don’t want to upset the lovely lady who is now approaching with a drill….

Yoga Teachers when they stand on your mat and readjust you. No I cannot relax as I am in a downward dog position, which feels very vulnerable and you are in my space without requesting permission and far too near that I feel your heat from your body….. Chiropractors, Osteopaths before they crack, pull whatever they do…. The relax word can be like a shot gun.

Paramedics… Simply relax after a car crash, when you don’t know what happened … and you are in fight flight response… not knowing if you are in dorsal or sympathetic and it is all too confusing and frightening

Police…. Relax Sir! WHEN the situation is about to get out of ahnd

Therapists….. oops hitting a nerve…. Let’s be mindful with our languate and when a client becomes distressed, there are many ways to re regulate by bringing them back to their body, with heart math, breathe and tapping OR a close cousin is “CALM DOWN”….. gosh it seems only yesterday that popular meme was everywhere, on cushion covers to posters …

Of course more and more professionals are becoming mindful of their language and avoid saying Relax or Calm Down This is only from my clients and own experiences and of course one cannot generalise…… these people are not perpetrators and yet can stimulate similar responses to our nervous system

Why does Relax and Calm Down get my goat…..

Well firstly I get that these people who I have mentioned above are endeavouring to help us, even though it does seem slightly masochistic style sometimes.

However due to the power dynamic, it can actually create more stress than the said intention.

Firstly BEING TOLD something shows that the person in not anywhere near in co regulation with you.

Being told may remind us of an experience as a child that brings up guilt and shame and sets our nervous system of into Dorsal or Sympathetic and is definitely not a good feeling.

The words Relax or Calm Down can make the recipient feel like they are being misunderstood or dismissed or their feelings are being diminished, which once again can set our nervous system into Dorsal or Sympathetic that fight or flight which can often escalate a situation rather than ironically calm it down.

This can create cortisol to pump through the body, Cortisol is a steroid hormone that your adrenal glands, the endocrine glands on top of your kidneys, produce and release. Cortisol affects several aspects of your body and mainly helps regulate your body’s response to we need Cortisol for many reasons and it has many benefits, however when we are living and trapped in that unexpressed trauma our body holds onto this and too much cortisol is not optimal for our bodies

Telling someone to relax or calm down rather than listening to how they feel or what is actually creating their anxiety is a sure way to avoid the underlying issue. However by expanding our listening skills and simply asking the adult self in front of you, and this is where EFT comes into action….

The benefits are enormous

  • Reduces stress and reframes a negative or traumatic experience
  • Reduces cortisol
  • Calms Nervous system
  • Improves our mental and physical health such as depression, PTSD, phobia (please always
  • work with professional medical health practitioner, alongside your Experienced EFT
  • practitioner) Chronic pain reduction
  • Increases self awareness and personal growth
  • Invites self regulation to manage our emotions reactions and responses
  • Increases empathy and compassion to self and others
  • Expands resilience, inviting one to better cope with lifes challenges and set backs

Are you interested ?

Then please join me on one of my following workshops to tap away the triggers, and rather than calm down and relax, take control of your own body, your own mind and build better relationships with yourself and your body

So how can we navigate this?

Join me on a meta consiocusness workshop and or tapping

Click here for list of events

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