Let’s Talk About Solo Sex!

Sex and masturbation are highly charged subjects. Over the centuries social conditioning has contorted our desire to even consider talking about such core human experience.

That’s why it’s so important that we do talk about it. After all it is a biological act….. Elephants, primates, cetaceans, walrus’s, bats, turtles and lizards have been scientifically found to do this. How? This is not the blog for that, you can google for yourself.

Why have humans made it dirty; naughty? Is it not time to learn how to embrace the WHOLE of our physicality in order to love and accept every part of our being? We can’t have an ugly, dirty part of ourselves hidden away in a musty cupboard and expect that to bring us health and joy. The learnings of Meta Consciousness brings love to ALL that we are.

Why bring this topic up right now?

The subject emerged in a conversation with Philly Lay in her podcast:


Philly asked my opinion of the wonderful John Gray’s “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” suggestion that women should bin their vibrators. His reasoning was that they stimulate the kidney meridians and make us gain weight!

This question highlights the lack of understanding out there of what the meridians are and how they function. In fact how the body actually responds to events. This made me want to bring the clarity of Meta Consciousness to the subject which integrates energy, science, both ancient and new, allowing each one of us to understand how the body adapts, regulates and releases energy.

What’s the Deal with Vibrators and Weight Gain?

Women using vibrators may indeed find themselves gaining weight, and this does have to do with the kidneys but NOT because the meridians have been stimulated.

The weight gain for these women is not caused by the vibrator nor even masturbation.

The weight gain is caused by feelings of isolation and abandonment, or a lack of connection, feelings of being alone, perhaps even lost.… which might make one reach for a vibrator. There may be a relation, but it’s not causal.

Let’s clear up the confusion.

Energy flows like water, through the body. The meridians are like tributaries and rivers conducting the energy to every cell and tissue. When we are in alignment and healthy, the energy flows without obstruction.

When trauma occurs, or a trigger reactivates past trauma, the flow of energy is disrupted. The energy is slowed, restricted in particular areas pertaining to that specific trauma. The trauma also hits the tissue of the body and the brain to start a biological process

This is due to the emotions triggered by the trauma. E-motion = energy in motion.

The meridians are then disrupted. They will not be jeopardised or adversely triggered by the physical vibrations from your Fin or Crave Vesper, personally I prefer Lelo myself (https://www.lelo.com/).  And no, unfortunately, no coffee money for me just yet.

So, what does explain the correlation between the use of vibrators and weight gain? The kidney meridian is involved. But not in the way Gray suggests.

The kidney meridian runs up our inner leg, around our genitals and then up to the thymus and heart. The thymus, much overlooked, is the seat of the heart chakra. It plays a key role in the energy — e-motions — of love AND more importantly of life and connection.

When we are feeling deep connection with others and self, our kidney meridian which is the deep thinker exploring our inner feelings, is flowing freely with ease. We feel wonderful, we are in alignment with ourselves, with others and with life and we feel the vibration of our tribe and safety.

However, when trauma, or triggers from past trauma, lead to feeling disconnected, isolated or abandoned, rejected or alone, our e-motions change the flow of energy in this meridian. Our brain/heart/body/spirit system responds in the best way it knows how, to protect and preserve us.

This response is primal. It’s ‘wild-animal’ subconscious programming from which we first evolved. It’s brilliant when you look at it.

These Conflicts if unresolved (i.e. if the trauma-induced emotions are not allowed to flow and be released by the body) signal a ‘desertion’ programme. The body thinks like a wild animal stranded on a desert island, it’s not safe!  Please note these can be conscious or unconscious programmes that we are running

Requirement number one: water.

The kidney collecting tubules go into overdrive. They accumulate water, holding it the cells and tissues and spaces. So we have plenty of water for survival.

So we gain weight. Which is in fact fluids.

How many women using vibrators will have some kind of isolation theme running through their emotional system?  I have not done a survey on this, the possibility that due to Gray’s work of relationships he has seen this and thus put these together

What’s Wrong With Masturbation?

Nothing. Not a single blessed thing!

It’s perfectly healthy to have a drive for orgasmic pleasure! Why wouldn’t we want that deliciousness in life? There’d be something amiss if we didn’t…

So, where do our hang-ups come from? And when does the sexual urge become less than healthy?

Historically, it wasn’t until the good ol’ 18th Century that women’s sexual urges were looked upon as different from men’s. Up to that point, women’s desires were seen as not particularly different to men’s. The earliest sex toys for women date back to 28,000 BC!

‘Hysteria’ — named after the latin for womb taken from Greek womb Hystera (sigh…), assigned ultimately by Sigmund Freud to women only and described as early as the 13th century  and even before (click here for a longer explanation https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/history-quackery/history-hysteria) — was long accepted as common experience for FEMALES only.

I am not entirely sure that they got it, that women were psychologically and physically suppressed and no doubt frustrated, not only sexually, depression and anxiety was high. The medical prescription from doctors at the time was to bring women to orgasm, then called a pelvic massage, thus inviting a release energetically of both symptoms and the “hysteria” subsided, whether it was fainting, mood swings, pains etc.  Yep you could go to your GP and have your Yoni massaged.  However the Doctors became fatigued at the work they had to endure to bring the women to climax.  Therefore in 1880 Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville patented the first mechanical vibrator, although Dr Taylor was known to use one in 1869.

And sadly this was designed not for the pleasure of women, rather to ease the strain of the medic!

According to historian and author Jennifer Wright, the doctors believed that they were treating a medical disorder and had no idea that the women might actually be getting pleasure from the treatment!

I do wonder though if there could have been side effects as I’m not sure how I would personally feel with some of my GPs …. Eek.

Let’s be clear. An orgasm is actually a healing peak as Meta Consciousness explains it. At some point in the midst of parasympathetic, our bodies need to release, toxins, trapped energy,  other healing peaks are migraines, heart attacks, epilepsy, the runs and vomiting. Not all wonderful however all releases. Interestingly in French an orgasm is called “A petit mort”, a little death.  What better way to move and release energy Other upsides are that it can help strengthen pelvic floor, Kelley Johnson, Ph.D., a sexologist, also validates it is effective for pain release, exploring your own body and finding out what pleasures you, thus bringing confidence to the bedroom when you are with your chosen partner.

Thus bringing us back to Gray, I do agree that connection is vital, with ourselves first before we gain with another. 

So please ladies do not throw these vibrators away, in fact do your research and explore even further. Let’s raise the vibration of humanity even further shall we?


Next month we will explore nymphomania


  • Robyn Harris

    Another great post Penny! Thank you for addressing this controversial topic and bringing it more out into the open for discussion.

    What made a shift for me was learning that the clitoris is an organ that seems to exist ‘purely for pleasure’. Whether that’s entirely true or not, it left me feeling pretty special as a woman – something that I hadn’t felt before as my femininity often seemed to be a drawback rather than an advantage.

    It’s also interesting to see more women masturbating on TV dramas these days, and a wider portrayal of sexuality as something very normal and natural.

    I once heard someone asking what feels like a very valid question to me – Why do we allow violence (shootings, bombings, torture and rape) on our screens but throw up our hands in horror at a bit of nudity, sex or – heaven forbid – masturbation?!

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